When my first child was born, I became a mum.

Like many women, I threw myself into that role completely. My children became my world. Their needs came first, then my husband’s, then work, then the dogs. Somewhere at the bottom of the list was me.

Over the years, I took on many roles.

Mum. Wife. Sister. Daughter. Friend. Therapist. Business owner.

Each role mattered deeply to me, but looking back, I can see how easily they became my identity.

Whenever life became busy or stressful, I focused on what needed doing. I became good at managing, supporting, caring, organising, and helping everyone else. But I rarely stopped to ask myself a simple question:

**What do I need?**

As my children grew older and needed me less, I found myself facing questions I hadn’t expected.

Who am I when I’m not actively mothering?

What do I enjoy?

What do I want from this next stage of my life?

I could tell you my children’s favourite foods, their likes and dislikes, their hopes and dreams. I could probably tell you the dog’s preferences too. Yet when it came to myself, I wasn’t always sure.

That realisation was uncomfortable.

Starting my own business brought even more questions. Building something meaningful required me to think about who I was, what mattered to me, and how I wanted to spend my time and energy. If I’m honest, I’m still figuring some of that out now.

Perimenopause added another layer. The physical and emotional changes challenged my confidence and forced me to look at myself differently. At the same time, my relationship with my husband was evolving. My role as a mother was changing. My role as a business owner was growing.

Nothing was necessarily wrong, but everything was shifting.

And those shifts can leave us feeling unsettled.

There came a point where I realised I had become disconnected from myself. I was exhausted. My confidence had taken a knock. Eventually, I burned out.

What I’ve learned from both my personal life and my work with women is that this experience is far more common than many of us realise.

So many women spend years being everything to everyone else. We become known for what we do rather than who we are. We carry responsibilities, meet expectations, and keep things moving forward. Yet somewhere along the way, we can lose touch with the person underneath all those roles.

The women I support often arrive with similar questions.

They’ve spent years caring, giving, achieving, or surviving. They know how to look after others, but struggle to give themselves the same attention and compassion. Many feel guilty about putting themselves first.

But here’s what I’ve come to believe:

**Making yourself a priority isn’t selfish. It’s essential.**

You cannot build a fulfilling life when you’ve forgotten who is living it. Reconnecting with yourself doesn’t mean abandoning the people you love. It doesn’t mean giving up your responsibilities. It simply means making space to remember who you are beyond them.

What brings you joy?

What energises you?

What matters to you?

What are your dreams now?

Because we change throughout life. The woman you are today may need different things than the woman you were ten or even 20 years ago.

And that’s okay.

In fact, it’s more than okay. It’s part of being human.

I’ve come to realise that finding yourself isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about coming home to yourself. So if you’ve been feeling lost, uncertain, or disconnected lately, perhaps the question isn’t “What’s wrong with me?”

Perhaps the question is:

**Who am I beyond the roles I play?**

And maybe it’s time to give yourself permission to find out.

I’m curious…

– Who are you when nobody needs anything from you?

– What parts of yourself have you put on hold?

– What brings you joy, energy, or peace?

– What role are you currently outgrowing?

– What would change if you gave yourself permission to put your needs alongside everyone else’s?